I have begun to see myself, a 60-year-old professional woman, as part of the problem. The worst compliment I have ever received, and it was recently, was from a male supervisor who said that what he loved about me is I am not easily offended. It was in reference to a male client acting inappropriately toward me. It took a few days, but that comment kept resurfacing in my spirit, and then I realized it was because I needed to change my reactions to, at the very least, deflect the inappropriate actions. Otherwise, I was doing a disservice to young women coming along in my industry behind me.
I find that it’s a conversation that we have in the office. That, even with the women, we have this conversation like, ‘What can we say, what can’t we say?’ And sometimes we actually will joke about something, and say ‘Oh, oh #MeToo! We better be careful, we’re going to get reported to HR.’ So I think there is more of an awareness of what you say in the office. In some cases it might be good. Maybe now you might not say things that you would have normally said. It’s looming in the back of your mind. I’ve been doing this for a long time. I have, like, three women I work with on a daily basis. Actually, I work with more women than men. We have a great relationship. I actually find some of the women to be more aggressive than I am in terms of the things they say. Whether they’re male or female, I treat [people] on the quality of their work. You've got a lot of young people in the business. There’s a lot of flirting and whatnot going on. It’s just normal. If they’re of equal status, I don’t see the problem with that. You don’t want to make people afraid to get to know each other or have a conversation. Part of it’s very sad. It’s like that pendulum swinging. It goes way farther to the other side before it finds its equilibrium, which I hope it does. Watching the Oscars, I just thought it was women against men. I think the worst thing to be is a white man. It’s like if you are a minority or a woman, you are cool. But if you are a white man in power, you are kind of looked at like you are the bad guy.
I have noticed in myself and others a more respectful environment in networking and social settings. Conversations do not have the same comments, jokes or stories that they may have had prior to the movement. This sensitivity to each other and inclusiveness is a welcome development.
I'm not out in the bullpen, so I don't hear much of the “dude-bro” conversations, but many of the women I work with are subjected [to] some pretty explicit banter between the guys in the office. I can only assume the #MeToo movement has done nothing to curtail this behavior. There are some women who find the conversations extremely offensive. I don't think this is just in our office — I believe it's pervasive in the CRE brokerage industry. Even among supposedly progressive and gender-equitable companies.
Actually, my attitudes have changed very little. I've always approached the male-dominated commercial real estate field believing and knowing that I am the maker of my own destiny. I own my company and believe that being a woman is beneficial in this industry. We are better negotiators because we understand motivations and interests (even hidden ones) better than most men, and we're better at maintaining enduring relationships. I have always ignored discriminatory or sexualized behavior, and most times ignore it or shake my head in disgust — then again, I've never been in a situation where I've felt threatened. It does me no good to make excuses for not succeeding because of someone else — my destiny is always in my own hands.
It has certainly made me more aware of gender inequality in our industry — and I have tried to be more inclusive of women in important meetings and decision-making. I am mentoring a few young women on our team — pulling them out [of] secretarial positions and giving them the opportunity to grow out of those positions.
My attitude has changed only in feeling naïve at how widespread the issue is and how poorly men behave to women.
It is interesting to see the backlash against men telling women how we should feel and I’m proud that women are making a stand. It is important as we need future generations to understand that we make incremental changes over many years, but every now and then we have a chance to effect change in a short period and we need to ensure we make the most of that. As Barack Obama said recently, quoting Martin Luther King Jr: “The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice.” Every now [and] again we have a chance to flex that arc at a steeper gradient and now is the time to do so for gender equality.
We are living in this portion of history that will later be described as those who understood and those who did not. What I mean by that is I have bosses that literally make statements that are HR no-no’s but yet they think they are in the clear because they have been surrounded, for way too long, with a generation that believes you don’t hold your boss accountable because he writes the checks. These people are running major companies all over my industry and country and what they don’t understand is newer generations of talent will always hold you accountable. We know better than most that what you put out there is on record even if you never intended for it to be. Many of us have had to learn at a young age that what you post on [Facebook] is forever. These older generations don’t follow the same train of thought and therefore they will continue to dig holes and put their foot in their mouth. I wish I could say I’ve seen a change and I wish I could say I don’t deal with #MeToo-related issues multiple times a day but unfortunately we still live in a world where most of the older generation doesn’t know what non-binary is and that the younger folks do not care what gender you are as long as you are competent and make the company successful.
I continue to treat all people with kindness and respect as I always have done, and wouldn't even dream of using my professional success as a way to take advantage of another person. I also think the conversation is now causing needless worry for the overwhelming number of people who aren't going to be harassed. Does it make sense to walk around in fear of an aircraft engine landing on your head because it just might happen? No.
I gave equal pay for equal work a more thoughtful evaluation at review time. Transparency by job title is helpful. I monitor my own assumptions for self-correction — the lady in the room may be the doctor, not the nurse. As to my business behavior, even as a woman, I find myself being very careful about my hands — touching colleagues on the shoulder, business hugs, not any more.
I find myself being hyper-aware of potential power abuses in the workforce — even the seedlings of potential problems. I’m listening in so much more. It’s made me super-aware of how this manifests in the workforce and ensuring we address issues before they become problematic.
I am more aware of things that are being said and that I am saying. However, I would like to think that I have been aware of these things my whole life, having a mother and a sister. But in the same breath, it’s certainly made me think about it more. It’s more about the way things are said. And how they are said. And again, I can’t reiterate this enough, it’s important that these conversations be had. But it’s getting blown out of proportion. Everyone is walking on eggshells. The PC culture today. God forbid that I make a joke. In real estate — and I have huge respect for women in positions of power — it’s a boys’ culture and when you are entertaining and you are “with the boys,” if you will, you have this banter that is objectivizing in some ways. At times, I’ve certainly heard, and I’ve been put in an uncomfortable position that I’d like to walk away from. It’s guys that go out and partying and strippers. In this business, you are only as good as your next deal. You want to be able to relate to said client. You may do certain things that are not socially acceptable.
I have noticed that female interviewees now make equality statements during the interview or ask more questions regarding corporate culture, a career track for female employees or ask me personal questions about my experience in the company that were never mentioned or asked during an interview even as recently as a year ago. It has really made me much more aware of what our culture is, of who we are, if I am proud of what we have to offer new team members and of what I prepare and how much time I prepare for the interview process.
Not really, but it gives me great satisfaction that it’s finally OK to call out bad behavior without fear of losing your job or reputation. I have no sympathy for those men who had it coming. They deserve what they’re getting — a ruined career, just like they ruined (or had the power to ruin) a woman’s career who dared speak the truth in the past.
I have been extra cautious when having casual conversations in the workplace, especially with female colleagues. I have held back saying certain things that I may find harmless, but may unintentionally offend someone. I have caught myself biting my tongue on several occasions because it’s just not worth the risk of unintentionally upsetting someone. I think we are entering a more PC era in the workplace that will not change anytime soon.
For the first time in our workplace, we brought in outside human resources trainers because we want people to be more aware of what is permissible in the workplace, and we’ve sent someone for follow-up HR training. It's all about education. I believe people are generally good; it’s when they aren't educated they can make wrong decisions.
I have found myself less tolerant of bad (sexist) behavior. I resigned from a board whose members’ behavior was consistently boorish and sexist. I suspect they didn’t even realize how bad they were behaving and how sexist they were acting. It is those types of groups that need to be shaken up.
I have for years attempted to avoiding traveling alone with women. I've witnessed workplace impropriety and it's not something that I would ever want to be accused of. As a happily married man, I have tried to avoid the perception of impropriety at every turn and it seems that this is more important than ever. I also try to avoid business dinners where the only participants are me and a woman who is not my wife. Credible or not, it seems that many lives have been ruined by the mere suggestion of such impropriety. My wife and I have had long conversations about this, as it puts the women on my team in a potential bind. Do I travel alone, and potentially penalize the women on the team from opportunities for project experience? Or do I try and travel with at least one more person to help shield me from any hint or suggestion but increase our costs on a project? Often it has meant that we travel separately and arrive and depart at different times. It's not a practice that would necessarily be broadly supported across our company, so I have been very discreet about my travel decisions. It is important to note that I've been very supportive of our female team members and don't feel that my decisions have hampered them in their careers.
In my brokerage workplace, this new movement has given me some permission to have conversations with a few of my more open-minded male colleagues about the issues that plague women in commercial real estate. Before this, I was always told quickly and assertively that women are at no disadvantage. My opinions were quickly silenced. Now I can say these things, and some of my colleagues will, at least, listen. The problem has been that, for many of them, the defensiveness and resistance to change persists. Excuses such as: “Well, I haven’t actually assaulted someone so why am I being made to suffer?” or “It’s not me who started discrimination against women” have been used to deflect responsibility to make change. When I highlight any small issue, I have to be mindful of my tone. If I am too passionate, I am angry. If I am too quiet, I am meek. If I make too big of a deal about it, I’m dramatic or defensive. The step forward is that I feel more able to say some things that I could not say before.
I’m in a place now (personally and professionally) where I feel more respected than I have in the past, and I feel my income is reflective of my efforts, so feeling appreciated is good, and I think stereotypically pretty important to most women. That being said, I am less tolerant of comments made about the sexes, and encourage everyone to be more respectful.
The conversations and soul-searching that it has opened up have been fascinating. A lot of women (and men) are now looking back at their careers and realising how shocking some of the behaviours, attitudes and incidents they put up with in the past [were]. Of course this has never been black and white — i.e. just about perpetrators and victims, or men versus women. Instead, it is about a lot of people turning a blind eye to or accepting situations, and therefore women will have been just as culpable as men in certain areas. I know my younger self got into some pretty unpleasant situations and I didn’t have the skills, maturity or clout to navigate them gracefully, and that my own career path has in part been dictated by choosing to move away from or turn down roles at companies where I perceived sexual harassment to be endemic. All of this is even more striking when viewed through a 2018 lens.
Since “#MeToo” business meetings have included fewer hugs and more handshakes.
I have begun to see myself, a 60-year-old professional woman, as part of the problem. The worst compliment I have ever received, and it was recently, was from a male supervisor who said that what he loved about me is I am not easily offended. It was in reference to a male client acting inappropriately toward me. It took a few days, but that comment kept resurfacing in my spirit, and then I realized it was because I needed to change my reactions to, at the very least, deflect the inappropriate actions. Otherwise, I was doing a disservice to young women coming along in my industry behind me.
I find that it’s a conversation that we have in the office. That, even with the women, we have this conversation like, ‘What can we say, what can’t we say?’ And sometimes we actually will joke about something, and say ‘Oh, oh #MeToo! We better be careful, we’re going to get reported to HR.’ So I think there is more of an awareness of what you say in the office. In some cases it might be good. Maybe now you might not say things that you would have normally said. It’s looming in the back of your mind. I’ve been doing this for a long time. I have, like, three women I work with on a daily basis. Actually, I work with more women than men. We have a great relationship. I actually find some of the women to be more aggressive than I am in terms of the things they say. Whether they’re male or female, I treat [people] on the quality of their work. You've got a lot of young people in the business. There’s a lot of flirting and whatnot going on. It’s just normal. If they’re of equal status, I don’t see the problem with that. You don’t want to make people afraid to get to know each other or have a conversation. Part of it’s very sad. It’s like that pendulum swinging. It goes way farther to the other side before it finds its equilibrium, which I hope it does. Watching the Oscars, I just thought it was women against men. I think the worst thing to be is a white man. It’s like if you are a minority or a woman, you are cool. But if you are a white man in power, you are kind of looked at like you are the bad guy.
I have noticed in myself and others a more respectful environment in networking and social settings. Conversations do not have the same comments, jokes or stories that they may have had prior to the movement. This sensitivity to each other and inclusiveness is a welcome development.
I'm not out in the bullpen, so I don't hear much of the “dude-bro” conversations, but many of the women I work with are subjected [to] some pretty explicit banter between the guys in the office. I can only assume the #MeToo movement has done nothing to curtail this behavior. There are some women who find the conversations extremely offensive. I don't think this is just in our office — I believe it's pervasive in the CRE brokerage industry. Even among supposedly progressive and gender-equitable companies.
Actually, my attitudes have changed very little. I've always approached the male-dominated commercial real estate field believing and knowing that I am the maker of my own destiny. I own my company and believe that being a woman is beneficial in this industry. We are better negotiators because we understand motivations and interests (even hidden ones) better than most men, and we're better at maintaining enduring relationships. I have always ignored discriminatory or sexualized behavior, and most times ignore it or shake my head in disgust — then again, I've never been in a situation where I've felt threatened. It does me no good to make excuses for not succeeding because of someone else — my destiny is always in my own hands.
It has certainly made me more aware of gender inequality in our industry — and I have tried to be more inclusive of women in important meetings and decision-making. I am mentoring a few young women on our team — pulling them out [of] secretarial positions and giving them the opportunity to grow out of those positions.
My attitude has changed only in feeling naïve at how widespread the issue is and how poorly men behave to women.
It is interesting to see the backlash against men telling women how we should feel and I’m proud that women are making a stand. It is important as we need future generations to understand that we make incremental changes over many years, but every now and then we have a chance to effect change in a short period and we need to ensure we make the most of that. As Barack Obama said recently, quoting Martin Luther King Jr: “The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice.” Every now [and] again we have a chance to flex that arc at a steeper gradient and now is the time to do so for gender equality.
We are living in this portion of history that will later be described as those who understood and those who did not. What I mean by that is I have bosses that literally make statements that are HR no-no’s but yet they think they are in the clear because they have been surrounded, for way too long, with a generation that believes you don’t hold your boss accountable because he writes the checks. These people are running major companies all over my industry and country and what they don’t understand is newer generations of talent will always hold you accountable. We know better than most that what you put out there is on record even if you never intended for it to be. Many of us have had to learn at a young age that what you post on [Facebook] is forever. These older generations don’t follow the same train of thought and therefore they will continue to dig holes and put their foot in their mouth. I wish I could say I’ve seen a change and I wish I could say I don’t deal with #MeToo-related issues multiple times a day but unfortunately we still live in a world where most of the older generation doesn’t know what non-binary is and that the younger folks do not care what gender you are as long as you are competent and make the company successful.
I continue to treat all people with kindness and respect as I always have done, and wouldn't even dream of using my professional success as a way to take advantage of another person. I also think the conversation is now causing needless worry for the overwhelming number of people who aren't going to be harassed. Does it make sense to walk around in fear of an aircraft engine landing on your head because it just might happen? No.
I gave equal pay for equal work a more thoughtful evaluation at review time. Transparency by job title is helpful. I monitor my own assumptions for self-correction — the lady in the room may be the doctor, not the nurse. As to my business behavior, even as a woman, I find myself being very careful about my hands — touching colleagues on the shoulder, business hugs, not any more.
I find myself being hyper-aware of potential power abuses in the workforce — even the seedlings of potential problems. I’m listening in so much more. It’s made me super-aware of how this manifests in the workforce and ensuring we address issues before they become problematic.
I am more aware of things that are being said and that I am saying. However, I would like to think that I have been aware of these things my whole life, having a mother and a sister. But in the same breath, it’s certainly made me think about it more. It’s more about the way things are said. And how they are said. And again, I can’t reiterate this enough, it’s important that these conversations be had. But it’s getting blown out of proportion. Everyone is walking on eggshells. The PC culture today. God forbid that I make a joke. In real estate — and I have huge respect for women in positions of power — it’s a boys’ culture and when you are entertaining and you are “with the boys,” if you will, you have this banter that is objectivizing in some ways. At times, I’ve certainly heard, and I’ve been put in an uncomfortable position that I’d like to walk away from. It’s guys that go out and partying and strippers. In this business, you are only as good as your next deal. You want to be able to relate to said client. You may do certain things that are not socially acceptable.
I have noticed that female interviewees now make equality statements during the interview or ask more questions regarding corporate culture, a career track for female employees or ask me personal questions about my experience in the company that were never mentioned or asked during an interview even as recently as a year ago. It has really made me much more aware of what our culture is, of who we are, if I am proud of what we have to offer new team members and of what I prepare and how much time I prepare for the interview process.
Not really, but it gives me great satisfaction that it’s finally OK to call out bad behavior without fear of losing your job or reputation. I have no sympathy for those men who had it coming. They deserve what they’re getting — a ruined career, just like they ruined (or had the power to ruin) a woman’s career who dared speak the truth in the past.
I have been extra cautious when having casual conversations in the workplace, especially with female colleagues. I have held back saying certain things that I may find harmless, but may unintentionally offend someone. I have caught myself biting my tongue on several occasions because it’s just not worth the risk of unintentionally upsetting someone. I think we are entering a more PC era in the workplace that will not change anytime soon.
For the first time in our workplace, we brought in outside human resources trainers because we want people to be more aware of what is permissible in the workplace, and we’ve sent someone for follow-up HR training. It's all about education. I believe people are generally good; it’s when they aren't educated they can make wrong decisions.
I have found myself less tolerant of bad (sexist) behavior. I resigned from a board whose members’ behavior was consistently boorish and sexist. I suspect they didn’t even realize how bad they were behaving and how sexist they were acting. It is those types of groups that need to be shaken up.
I have for years attempted to avoiding traveling alone with women. I've witnessed workplace impropriety and it's not something that I would ever want to be accused of. As a happily married man, I have tried to avoid the perception of impropriety at every turn and it seems that this is more important than ever. I also try to avoid business dinners where the only participants are me and a woman who is not my wife. Credible or not, it seems that many lives have been ruined by the mere suggestion of such impropriety. My wife and I have had long conversations about this, as it puts the women on my team in a potential bind. Do I travel alone, and potentially penalize the women on the team from opportunities for project experience? Or do I try and travel with at least one more person to help shield me from any hint or suggestion but increase our costs on a project? Often it has meant that we travel separately and arrive and depart at different times. It's not a practice that would necessarily be broadly supported across our company, so I have been very discreet about my travel decisions. It is important to note that I've been very supportive of our female team members and don't feel that my decisions have hampered them in their careers.
In my brokerage workplace, this new movement has given me some permission to have conversations with a few of my more open-minded male colleagues about the issues that plague women in commercial real estate. Before this, I was always told quickly and assertively that women are at no disadvantage. My opinions were quickly silenced. Now I can say these things, and some of my colleagues will, at least, listen. The problem has been that, for many of them, the defensiveness and resistance to change persists. Excuses such as: “Well, I haven’t actually assaulted someone so why am I being made to suffer?” or “It’s not me who started discrimination against women” have been used to deflect responsibility to make change. When I highlight any small issue, I have to be mindful of my tone. If I am too passionate, I am angry. If I am too quiet, I am meek. If I make too big of a deal about it, I’m dramatic or defensive. The step forward is that I feel more able to say some things that I could not say before.
I’m in a place now (personally and professionally) where I feel more respected than I have in the past, and I feel my income is reflective of my efforts, so feeling appreciated is good, and I think stereotypically pretty important to most women. That being said, I am less tolerant of comments made about the sexes, and encourage everyone to be more respectful.
The conversations and soul-searching that it has opened up have been fascinating. A lot of women (and men) are now looking back at their careers and realising how shocking some of the behaviours, attitudes and incidents they put up with in the past [were]. Of course this has never been black and white — i.e. just about perpetrators and victims, or men versus women. Instead, it is about a lot of people turning a blind eye to or accepting situations, and therefore women will have been just as culpable as men in certain areas. I know my younger self got into some pretty unpleasant situations and I didn’t have the skills, maturity or clout to navigate them gracefully, and that my own career path has in part been dictated by choosing to move away from or turn down roles at companies where I perceived sexual harassment to be endemic. All of this is even more striking when viewed through a 2018 lens.
Since “#MeToo” business meetings have included fewer hugs and more handshakes.
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